I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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