I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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