Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
