your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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