He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
