I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
