hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
