he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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