One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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