To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
