Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
