I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
