I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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