Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
