I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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