Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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