"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We need a shit load of segways right now
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize