I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
