Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
