Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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