just tell him i said nine months
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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