I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
