Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
