Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
