4 words: hood of his car
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
