I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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