I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
