can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
