Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
