3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
