Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
