so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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