This is not my ceiling
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
