so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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