i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
