drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
