He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's shark week go big or go home
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
