I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize