Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize