and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
