I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
