Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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