it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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