is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Randomize
