I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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