she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
