every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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