All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
