Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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