just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
