Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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