I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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