Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
they're like a gay fantastic four
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
