So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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