I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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