Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
