Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
