Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
