i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
