oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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