I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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