I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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