Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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