Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize