The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He better not be in your backpack
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
