no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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