physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
