Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
