dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am spending my child support on dildos
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
