apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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