I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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