I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
