i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How naked do you want me to be?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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